Monday, January 28, 2013

Over coffee. (Dating advice)

 Wow, what a great day for a coffee date isn't it?  It's freezing outside with snow and rain.. It's days like this when I just want a good cup of Starbucks goodness, a good book and a warm fire. And of course enjoy a nice coffee date with you!

With Valentines day coming up, I can understand if you have caught the love bug. So, I thought I would give you some dating advice that I have learned over the years. During dating, before dating and even after dating. If you're single please still continue to hear me out. It's never too early to get this!

I have noticed and watch a lot of young couples who date just to date. Maybe it's out of desperation, boredom, maybe the girl is just wanting attention to the extreme and would date anyone to get it. Or perhaps maybe it's just a huge fun game to them. Dear friend don't date just to date. I watch them closely and no matter how much fun their having someone always gets hurt and it's most likely the girl. It breaks my heart for them to be heartbroken because I know it's not God's plan for His daughter to be hurt. Dating is a very serious matter and should not be played with. Date with the intention to marry the man of your dreams. If you just so happen to get married, great. If not, be respectful because that man is someone else's future husband.

 if you don't understand that the Lord is your husband first, you will mistakenly expect your boyfriend/husband to be your god. Boyfriends and husbands make really crappy gods if you ask me.  And if you expect this man to be perfect you will be exhausting him and putting him into an incredible strain. Jesus wants you to know that He is your 1st Beloved, Heavenly Beloved and Perfect Beloved.  You can't love your boyfriend/husband until Jesus is your first love. 

  It is very important for both you and your boyfriend to not  rush anything!! Don't lower your standards for any guy. They are not worth it! No not even you're future husband is worth lowering your purity standards before marriage.  If he loves you,cherishes you,  and honors you(Which if he's your future husband he better!) he will respect that, honor that, and most likely even thank you for that!  Don't settle. You deserve to be treated like a princess. Because well, you are one!  The Lord tells us for the husbands to love us like He loves the church. Make sure The Lord is  your filter in all things including relationships. Do not give away anything that belongs to your future husband. That includes much more than intimacy. 
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. - Phil 4-8

  I believe it's always important to seek council from family and friends because they see the big picture when you get lost in emotions. If your family, church family and friends all say he's junk. I would definitely consider their thoughts to be accurate ;) 
While dating and building a friendship & possible long-term relationship that could lead to marriage, keep 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 constantly in mind. And ask these questions along the way: Do I believe that he would love me for a lifetime no matter the state of my health, weight & appearance? Or if I experience success or failure? When I'm not at my best or even at my worst? Will he love me the same when times are good as when times are rough? Will he love my children in this way? Will he love me if a time comes when I can't fulfill all his hopes and dreams? And, will I be able to do the same? Is this is character now? Don't think you're going to change him, marry a man who has that character now (or wait for him to grow up before you marry him.

Make sure  to be patient. Pursue God and let Him lead someone to pursue you. Your eyes should be so fixed on God that you don't even notice someone is pursuing you until they want to tell you they are. It's much more fun to be the one pursued anyways ;)

And while you're 'waiting', pray for your future spouse. Pray that they keep pursuing their faith and have a heart for Christ. And work on becoming the person who you're looking for is looking for.  And don't fake who you are. It's a lot of back tracking and lies to cover previous lies in the end. plus if he's the man God has chosen for you than there is no need to even try. Girl the dudes gonna love ya! 

So this is my advice to you if we were having a nice coffee conversation at the closest Starbucks in the wintery weather. I hope you are encouraged & blessed.  


Maria said...

So wise, Heather. So glad you've learned that at such a young age.

Sweetly Broken Girl said...

Hi Heather, My name is Heather, too. I just found your blog from a link from another one. And I am enjoying getting to know you through it. I'm quite new to the world of blogs, but I've been needing to connect with other Christian women. I am home all day with my kids (which I love), but I am trying to find some friends, even if it's just on-line. Congrats on your new baby. She's beautiful. And I LOVE it when someone has their first baby. It's so exciting and thrilling and terrifying, in a way that you'll never quite experience again. And so I rejoice with each person who is having their first child.
I just read you testimony about fear and demons. And I thought you might be interested to read my blog. It's at It's not about demons, but it is about fears and walls and insecurities. There's things on being a mom, a wife, a woman, and a child of God. It's actually a whole book that I put out there for others, but there is a chapter (chapter 22) where I share my experience with demonic harrassment. I didn't really see physical things, but I did have 5 months of nighttime harrassment from . . . well . . . demons. Others may be skeptical, but I know what I went through. Anyway, you're not alone in experiencing things of that sort. And as I have learned, there is power in the name of Jesus. Anyway, I hope you'll check it out. And I'll be back soon to read more of yours. Take care and God bless. - Heather K

Heather Leigh said...

Hey! I really love your name ;) Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and I'm so glad you'll be sticking around. I love your blog btw and I will definitely be sticking around for yours too! I am also home all day with my little princess. My husband and I our owners of only one car at the moment so I'm stuck here haha. But I so very much enjoy it. Xoxo

Sweetly Broken Girl said...

Wow! You're quick. I was hoping you'd reply. I have one car, too. I basically have for almost all of my marriage. It's one of the sacrifices we've made so I can stay home. So it's a great thing that I'm a total homebody and love being home with my kids. (Although, some days I do joke about running away and joining the circus. That's the running joke around here when the boys ask dad where mom is. "She ran off to join the circus.") I wanted to say also that I totally relate to your newest post. My book basically has to do with the scars left from my dad not being who I thought he should be, and how it affected my relationship with God. And I can relate to expectations for our husbands. When I found myself thinking that Jason (my husband) was not as sensitive or gentle or understanding as I thought he should be (read: as I am), I ran across something that said that we need to let the dads be the dads. They are not the moms. They will not do things just as we would. But that's why God gave kids 2 parents, a man and a woman. Because they both add their own valuable, yet different, ways of parenting. Anyway, keep up the thoughtful posts. And I'll catch you later. -Heather

Heather Leigh said...

Wow! You & I seem to have ALOT in common here! Exactly. My relationship with my dad effected my relationship with God a lot! My dad always had the attitude of you had to give him a reason to be proud of you type. & because of that I thought I had to do so much for God to love me when the truth is He loves me unconditionally ;) Exactly! I tell Leon (My husband) All the time that our children will be evenly balanced with with the both of us as parents ;)

Megan Maguire said...

Hi, don't forget as part of the 'I Love My Post' blog hop, you have to follow all the hosts and co-hosts(including me) to take part :)