Monday, November 12, 2012

Over coffee.

If I were having coffee with you right now, I would share with you my uttermost excitement of the thought that I could be holding my daughter any day now! I would also tell you that I feel like a bomb that could explode any second..  I can't even tell you how uncomfortable I have been this past few weeks. I feel like shes doing all kinds of awkward positions that I don't even understand.  I told her it would be easier on both of us if she were to just come.. I would be more comfortable and she would have more elbow room.

As each day comes, I admit I have been a little nervous yet, excited at the same time. Do you know what I mean? I guess just the thought of not knowing what to expect in the near future and knowing that what you can only imagine and what motherhood feels and looks like is only scratching the surface of what it really is. I've had women tell me that "being a mother is like living your entire life with your heart out side of your body" And I've had mothers tell me that it's the hardest but most wonderful experience. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about it. Or perhaps, am I thinking enough? I've went through and re- went through her baby bag just to make sure I have everything, made sure all her things are put together in it's place (I've never thought I could be so organized) I guess what I'm trying to say is that reality took place. It's a reality to me now knowing that in only amount of hours and days I will be responsible for  a life that is not my own. I will be responsible to care for this child, love this child, teach this child, and to bring her up with confidence that she will know who she is! I'm so glad God gave us the Bible, It's really the best parenting tool book!
If I were having coffee with you. I would tell you these past nine months have been the most different yet exciting time of my life. I guess because being a newly wed and expecting mother is my calling in life, my ministry. I know it's what I was meant to do. And God kinda just handed it all to me at the same time.
I must say I can't compare anything to pregnancy. The best way I can describe it is that Pregnancy is a love hate situation. Like the first trimester morning sickness, uncomfortably, tiredness, crampy legs, pressure, emotional hormones, lack of sleep. But it's also one of the best feelings in the world! It gives you a special glow and a special emotion. To have a little life grow inside of you, feeling her kick, move, and seeing all the awkward stomach movements when she's doing who knows what in there, and knowing that you are the first person in the world that has a special bond with this little person. Pregnancy is not easy, and from what I was told neither  is motherhood. But like pregnancy I know it will all be worth it!
If I were to have coffee with you today. I would tell you how bummed I am that I finally got stretch marks... (SAD FACE) I thought I was doing so good and that there was no way I as getting them because I was 35 weeks and not one in sight. But then my stomach started getting really itchy and I wasn't using my self control and itched. Which caused them bad boys.. aw well, I guess it's not a huge deal. I've never been a huge bikini person anyways.. My husband still tells me I'm sexy.. (Love that man)
I would probably confuse you with this pregnant tired brain of mine if we were really having coffee together. With all of these mix of emotions I would probably apologize to you because I probably wouldn't make sense at times. But this is what I would tell you tonight if we were having coffee together. What would you tell me?